you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
