What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
