You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
