i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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