True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
