oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
