dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
