i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
