All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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