if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
