Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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