Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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