Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
