great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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