You're completely useless in the revolution.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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