Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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