After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
