are you still at the devil's house?
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
