Just fell off a train. Bad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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