i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
