the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
