1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
