Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
