I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
