Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Come on in and take your pants off
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