Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
