Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
