So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
