Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
