I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
