Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this is an emotional support booty call
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
