Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
