I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
