He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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