That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
