okay pat passed out under dana's car
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
