Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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