hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
