i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the day after is always just damage control
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
