had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
