i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
