this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
