p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
