I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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