Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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