Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If its not for food we ain't going out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
