On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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