Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
