She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry about my life...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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