so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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