My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
