i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
