Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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