it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
