watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
