bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
