Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
