you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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