what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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