Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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