When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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