I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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