did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Soap is not a condiment
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
