Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
