My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
