I just saw a hot homeless man
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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