I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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