I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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