a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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