tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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