you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is Oprah even human
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
