Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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