I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
