I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
