I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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