theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
